Look at Somebody Else's Neighborhood to Move To

As the contact person for local law enforcement, I received a visit from a parole officer the other day. She was checking out the possible future residence of a convicted sex offender who is scheduled to be released soon.

Without too much hesitation I told her that her parolee would need to look at moving somewhere else. She seemed surprised at my forthrightness and undisguised opposition to him moving to my town.

"Well, you can't really determine whether he moves here or not."

"That's where you'd be wrong. Once he meets me, he's not gonna want to move here."

"It's a violation of his rights for you to attempt to create prejudice against him setting up residence here."

"How 'bout we take a little ride?" We took a short drive to the location where said parolee is intending on residing. I pointed to the house in question. "Count 'em. One. Two. And number two is why he will not be living there."

Two houses away from the house in question is a licensed home childcare center.

So my visitor attempts another tact with me. "Well, his sister lives here and if she lets him, he can live with her until he finds another place to live."

"Let's go for another little ride." By the look on her face she really didn't want to go any more rides with me but she agreed anyway.

I drove her to the parolee's sister's house. Parked right in front so Sis could see me. I waved. She didn't wave back.

I asked my visitor, "So from where you're sitting now, tell me what you see."

With a sick look on her face she answered, "A school."

"Bingo! I'm gonna make this clear to you and then, if that piece of dog turd parolee of yours shows up, I'm gonna make it clear to him: He is not welcome in this town. My first duty to these citizens is to protect them from people exactly like your parolee. I may not be able to prohibit him from coming here but I can make sure his life is a miserable living hell where he'll prefer Sing Sing to being here. Am I making myself constitutionally clear to you now?"

"Yes, sir. I will be sure to pass this information along. Thank you for the ride."

God . . . sometimes I REALLY love this job!