A Big Cry Baby in Jail

I haven't posted for a while, but things have been pretty hectic, but I have a funny story to share.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my "frequent flyers" returned to town. He apparently had forgotten the promise I made him about a year ago. I told him that everytime I saw him back in town, that he would go to jail. What you have to understand is that he is a drug dealer, drug user, thief, child molester, scum bag, all around DIRT BAG!! But, I digress... So, he shows up with his pregnant 18 year old girlfriend (He's 34)..Shortly after arriving he decides to slap around on the girlfriend..steal some gas, drive with an invalid driver license, no front license plate, defective equipment, fail to use turn signal, open container and had a small bag of weed...(as you can see, I didn't have to work very hard to find a reason to put his stinkin' ass in jail.)

He is famous in these parts because he cries when he goes to jail, and ( I swear that I'm not making this part up)..he is scared of the dark. He was crying when I got here 5 years ago..and still cries..He actually asked me, and I quote.."Sir, can you please leave a night light on, I am scared of the dark.." (my answer: Request denied!)..anyway...about 2 days later he is STILL cryin' and beggin for me to let him "just go home.." (Request denied!)...So, now we decide that we are having a heart attack...We call EMS (because we can't take chances, etc. etc.)..and when they show up, he is clutching his chest (the wrong side...)..He's such a genius! Of course, EMS checks him out, and tells him that he's fine..and his heart is on the other side...Then the famous claim.."I have blood in my stool...and in my urine.." So, we set him up an appointment at our local clinic...(in our very small town)..of course they don't have the equipment to check him out. So, by now I am severely pissed off. I have to have a Deputy transport him to the closest hospital...(45 miles away)..because of my limited man power...I have to stay on duty, after working my 11 1/2 hours first...I tell my deputy, "tell the ER Dr. what's going on." My deputy does just that.....The Dr. tells the Deputy..."he'll think before he makes these claims again.." Over the next 2 -3 hours the doc does a VERY COMPLETE EXAM! He tells the crook..."so, you have blood in your stool?" Crook: "Yes, sir!"..Doc: (as he pulls out a LONG, THICK probe)" Ok, I need you to bend over the table, and spread 'em wide"
Crook: "Uh, no, you know, maybe it wasn't blood, uh, just don't worry about it, it's really okay."
Doc: "No, you're here, we need to check, and we need to be sure."
my deputy said he looked like the doc was swinging a golf club back there. The crook was facing the deputy and white knuckling the table, crying and yelling, "stop, I was faking, I swear, I'll never do it again..I swear, please stop!!" The doc completed his exam. The crook says doc, I feel like I'm bleeding now...Doc says, "you probably are, but you'll be okay!"
Deputy said the ride home was pretty quiet, except for his frequent snickering, and the crook saying, "fuck you..I'm glad that you think it's funny! But, hey, don't tell anyone, okay?" Deputy continues to snicker saying, "yeah, okay..your secret is ..snicker..snicker...safe with me!"
Crook pled guilty to all charges and is currently on probation...in another county. Before he left he wrote me a note. "Dear Sir, with God as my witness, I WILL NEVER return to this county, for any reason. You have gotten my attention, and I realize that you don't play nice..and that you don't forget..or lie (you kept your promise)...You win, I'm done! Sincerely, Joe (not his real
name)

And people say there is no justice.

Lawman 1
Dirtbags 0

Startin Out New

My apologies for not posting in a while. Things tend to get a bit hairy around here at the end of the year what with annual crime statistic reports and such. But that kind of thing comes with the territory and I actually enjoy doing it. It's a good gauge of where we're at and gives me a little insight as to where I want us to be as a law enforcement department. It's also a good way to get a good dose of affirmation for me to keep doing the job despite the constant blood, sweat, and tears that it wrings out of a body.

I'm feeling good about the potential for 2007. I can look over the past couple of years and see where improvement and changes are needed, both personally and professionally. I try to remember all the blessings I have in my life every day but the New Year is always especially poignant for me. Things I don't have or things I'd like to have, whether tangible or intangible, don't seem to account for much. But what I have been blessed with seems to be even more so.

So Happy New Year, my fellow bloggers. May the new year bring you all you have hoped for and may you be blessed with health, happiness, and prosperity!

Another Great Quote

"It is not the oath that makes us believe in the man, but the man makes us believe in the oath." - - Aeschylus

Look at Somebody Else's Neighborhood to Move To

As the contact person for local law enforcement, I received a visit from a parole officer the other day. She was checking out the possible future residence of a convicted sex offender who is scheduled to be released soon.

Without too much hesitation I told her that her parolee would need to look at moving somewhere else. She seemed surprised at my forthrightness and undisguised opposition to him moving to my town.

"Well, you can't really determine whether he moves here or not."

"That's where you'd be wrong. Once he meets me, he's not gonna want to move here."

"It's a violation of his rights for you to attempt to create prejudice against him setting up residence here."

"How 'bout we take a little ride?" We took a short drive to the location where said parolee is intending on residing. I pointed to the house in question. "Count 'em. One. Two. And number two is why he will not be living there."

Two houses away from the house in question is a licensed home childcare center.

So my visitor attempts another tact with me. "Well, his sister lives here and if she lets him, he can live with her until he finds another place to live."

"Let's go for another little ride." By the look on her face she really didn't want to go any more rides with me but she agreed anyway.

I drove her to the parolee's sister's house. Parked right in front so Sis could see me. I waved. She didn't wave back.

I asked my visitor, "So from where you're sitting now, tell me what you see."

With a sick look on her face she answered, "A school."

"Bingo! I'm gonna make this clear to you and then, if that piece of dog turd parolee of yours shows up, I'm gonna make it clear to him: He is not welcome in this town. My first duty to these citizens is to protect them from people exactly like your parolee. I may not be able to prohibit him from coming here but I can make sure his life is a miserable living hell where he'll prefer Sing Sing to being here. Am I making myself constitutionally clear to you now?"

"Yes, sir. I will be sure to pass this information along. Thank you for the ride."

God . . . sometimes I REALLY love this job!

If this doesn't make you sick . . .

One of my Officers arrested a female last night for UCW. She had been released from TDCJ on October 7. This woman had been convicted in 2003 for Capital Murder of a Peace Officer/Firefighter. That's less than 3 years in jail. She has a lengthy history for weapons violations and assaults. She told one of the jailers how she "gutted the guy like a fish." She never blinked an eye. Of course, I don't know the whole story. But she was convicted so the result was that she killed a fellow Officer. MAKES ME SICK!

Someone please show me a prosecutor with a set of balls, one that goes to court regardless. It's not about court costs, plea bargains, win/loss record, etc. It's about justice and in my mind you can't put a price on that!

Maximum Penalties . . . then serve them. If I'm on a jury and sentence some lowlife dirtbag to 15 years . . . I want the piece of crap to do 15 years! NOT ONE DAY LESS!

And don't even get me started on "good time," "back time,"etc. YOU'RE IN JAIL! YOU ACT GOOD! PERIOD! Quit "rewarding" people for doing what is expected (and in prison/jail - DEMANDED!)

Regards,
Texas Lawman

Shootin' From The Hip

First, let me say that I am a Republican.
I consider myself a "progressive conservative."
I believe that Court Ordered Rehab rarely works, it's a waste of time and resources.
I believe that we may want to take a better look at Socialized Health Coverage (what we have sucks).
I believe in the death penalty and I believe we need to use it MORE!
I am Pro-Choice.
I think that the government is way too involved in certain aspects of our lives (i.e., seatbelt laws for adults and helmet laws for adults). Seat belts do save lives and I wear mine. I don't need the government to force me to.
I pay my taxes and don't mind doing so. But use my money wisely and find other sources of income to avoid always raising my taxes.
Charity starts at home!
I have no problems with homosexuals but don't feel that they should be able to marry or adopt children. (Certain lifestyle decisions we make in life open some options, but close others.) I don't believe you "choose" to be gay, it's a gene that you are born with. You do, however, choose to act on those feelings. (I know I'll catch hell for this one, but it's just my opinion!)
I love professional sports but feel athletes are way overpaid.
Having to "press 1 for English" pisses me off.
Men who abuse woman and children are weak and deserve maximum punishment.
Child molesters should get the death penalty.
I believe if we pull out of Iraq too soon, we will be fighting them on US soil.
While I don't agree with George W. on every issue, I think he is doing an overall good job as President.
NAFTA made the drug trade even more lucrative and easier to get drugs across the borders.
I believe that 88% of all crime is committed by 12% of the population, so most of the people you meet are still basically good. However, the other 12% are stone cold losers and burdens on
society.
I love my mother but I'm not a mama's boy.
The way a man treats his mother is a good indicator as to the way he'll treat his wife.
I don't believe that you are a product of your environment (that's used as a crutch). I do believe, however, certain factors will cause you to have to work harder than other people. But it comes down to how bad you want something.
I think cafes that have an automatic gratuity charge are wrong. I tip according to the quality of the service I receive. That's my decision.
Automated phone services make me mad, especially if THEY call me. This is NOT customer service.
For the most part, a person is unemployed because they choose to be. (Exceptions are mentally ill and some physically impaired.)
It's too easy to get divorced. People have stopped trying to work through situations. Divorce is one of the first choices/options now days. Just check out the celebrities!
I will ALWAYS have a car payment but that is better than a repair bill.
I don't believe in luck. I believe that "luck" is where opportunity and preparation meet.
I think most criminals find religion in jail and lose it just as quick once they get out.
I think people can change if they really want to. But most people don't change or want to.
I think it's sad that neighbors don't go visit on Sundays like they did in my grandparents' day.
(Let's bring back "barn raisings" and "barn dances"!)
Kids are more obese than ever because of video games and too much fast food. Turn off the
games and go play outside. And eat a salad once in a while!
I like to cook. A lot of times men make better cooks because they cook according to their own tastes. Women tend to cook to please their men. Bring on the meat and 'taters!
Telling your wife she looks nice and you love her is a good thing, no matter how long you've been together.
It takes 10 minutes to pick out a nice card sometimes for her!
Don't EVER send flowers when you're in the dog house. (It takes away from the special times like Valentine's, Anniversary, Birthday, etc.)
Never say what you're thinking when you're mad without running it through your head once and reflecting, because once it's out, you can't take it back!

And finally . . . DON'T EVER GO TO BED MAD AT EACH OTHER. (Put it on the shelf and disagree tomorrow.)

Until Next Time!

"Schoolin' The Rookie . . . Banana Style"

I waited a little longer than a lot of people to get into law enforcement. I was 26. While that's not old, I found myself going through the academy and training with a lot of younger folks.

After interviewing with 3 agencies I was hired by a small North Texas agency. I started my FTO program (Field Training Program). If you know anything about Rookies you know that they think their FTO (Field Training Officer) is almost God! (Later we learn different.)

My first day in training! I was EXCITED! I was up and ready to go three hours before my shift! I was at work one hour before my shift started. I was as eager as ever to save the world.

Now, you would have to have known my FTO. He was a cross between Barry Corbin and Robert Duvall. He was a crusty old f***** but as time went on, I grew to like him. He had a sharp wit, an even temper, and a very tongue in cheek look at life.

The first part of our morning was pretty routine. I got to use the radio a little, made a few traffic stops, ran some errands for the City Council, etc. Little did I know my day was about to get interesting. We had a call at about 10:15 am of a family dispute. I drove to the address, checked out on the radio and could hear a man screaming at someone, later found to be his common law wife. My FTO said, "Let's see what's up in white trash world this morning."

We made our way to the door of the run down trailer house. I was overcome with the smell of burnt bacon, in my mind an unmistakable smell. We knocked on the door and took a defensive angle. The door opened outward and almost came off of the hinges. The man was dressed in red sweat pants that were covered in grease (judging from his hair, it may have come from there). He had a scraggly beard as if he hadn't shaved in three or four days, no shirt, and was covered in prison tats. ("What a freakin' loser," I thought to myself.) We identified ourselves. My FTO asked, "What's the problem this morning?" The man says, "like always, arguin' with the ol' lady." My FTO says, "What are ya'll arguin' about?" The man says, "Bitch burned the bacon . . . as much sh** as she burns you'd think she was a Cajun cook. Everything, and I do mean everything, is blackened." My FTO asks for his drivers license, so the guy reaches around all of the dirty dishes on the counter and produces 2 halves of a drivers license and a Texas Department of Corrections Inmate card. My FTO hands me the pieces of the license and advises me to run a computer check. Dispatch advises that the subject was wanted for a parole violation. I think to myself, "COOL! My first arrest!" I advise dispatch to confirm the warrant. I step towards the man, and say in my best Cool Hand Luke voice: "Sir, please turn around and place your hands behind your back!"

The arrest went off without a hitch!

I proceed to the jail (10 miles away) and advise the jailer on duty that we have one male to deliver. We roll up to the sallyport and in we go! I get out of the vehicle and secure my weapon in the gun lockbox. ( I failed to notice that my FTO put his gun under the passenger side seat of the squad car.) We got in the jail, and through the book-in process . . . again without a hitch!
As we walk out of the jail, I glance at my watch and see it's lunch time!

(I jump into the squad car, completely forgetting my weapon).

My FTO (who, of course, catches this) says, "How 'bout Luby's for lunch?" I say, "Sure, sounds good!" We arrive at Luby's and advise dispatch that we would be on lunch break. We walk in and stand in line. NOW, HERE'S WHERE THE WHEELS COME OFF!' If you have ever been around a cop, you know that we tend to protect our gun side, and will even lean on our gun with our forearm. Without thinking I gently lean on my gun with my forearm. But wait, something doesn't feel right! SH**! I left my gun at the jail! "Stay calm," I say to myself. I don't want anyone in line to see that I don't have my gun. I lean into my FTO and say, "Umm, Sarge, can I have the keys to the car? I, umm, kind of left my gun at the jail." My FTO starts to grin and says, "No keys. You're not cleared to drive without an FTO in the vehicle." I swallow hard and say, "Can we go back?" FTO grins again and says, "Nope. We checked out already. We'll get it after we eat." Damn! This sucks! I grab my tray and still am leaning VERY AKWARDLY on my holster so nobody will notice. I quickly go through the line and make my selections. The cashier barely looks up, she didn't see anything! Cool, maybe I can get through this. As my FTO gets to the end of the line, he reaches over and grabs a banana. He then walks over and shoves the banana into my holster in front of everyone and says, "There ya go. Now you have something to lean on . . . feel better?" I could feel my face turning red. I turned around and walk toward the booth. "Hey, maybe everybody didn't see that," I think to myself. I have an idea: "If I can get to the booth, and sit with my gun side in, then nobody else will see it!" I walk towards the booth, just about the time I get to the booth my FTO barks, "Other side rook, that's my side." DAMN, he was one step ahead. I hurried through my meal not saying a word. I am so pissed. "I hate this guy! He has a lot of nerve. He is suppose to be training me, but noooooo, he's too busy making me look like a joke. What a bastard!"

Finally, he was finished eating. "You ready?" I say. "No, we have an hour, now I am going to read the paper." I shot him a look. He simply grinned. I reach down and take the banana out of my holster. Out of the corner of his eye he catches me and says, "Put it back in and don't play with your weapon at the table. It's not safe, someone may slip on it." If looks could kill this bastard would be 6 feet under. I was fuming! Finally, after what seemed like a year, our hour was up. We get back into the squad and I return to the jail and get my gun back.

The rest of the shift was very quiet, both in the car and on the radio. I was still pissed and was not even trying to hide it. We finally make it back to the office for my D.O.R. (Daily Observation Report). "Well, guess his sorry ass will slam me on this." I sit quietly in the corner contemplating ways to get even in my mind. My FTO says, "Okay, let's go over this, then go home." My eyes tear up a little from the anger. I practically rip the report out of his hand and quickly look it over. Appearance: Good. Attitude: Good. etc. good, etc. good. Accepts Responsibility: good. "Wait, what the hell? He didn't slam me." My FTO says, "What's wrong?" Apparently by the look on my face he could see that I was shocked. I mumbled something about the gun, and the jail and lunch. My FTO says, "So, you're pretty pissed at me right now, huh? You'd like to reach over and choke me or worse, huh?" Okay, he opened the door! "Yeah, I am. That was sorry. You're suppose to be training me and you make me look like a fool, and you laugh about it. You're an asshole." OOPS, I went too far. There's that stupid grin on his face again. "I am an asshole. It's my job. I'm teaching you. I could have taken you back, gotten your gun, and then came back and finished lunch. But, you wouldn't have learned a thing. I will make a bet with you right here, right now. I don't care if you're in this business 1 year or 30 years . . . I bet that you NEVER forget your gun at a jail again. Also, I bet that you will be telling this story to people, maybe even your own rookies from now on. Now, did I teach you anything today? Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day . . . teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime."

You know, that crusty ol' f***** was right! Coming up on 15 years in this line of work and I have never left my gun at a jail. Still telling the story, too! Guess he did teach me a thing or two!

Here's to you, Sarge, you crusty fart!

Greetings

Welcome, friend. I'm new to blogging but given my chosen field of occupation, information is a critical thing. And the worldwide web is full of information. Some good and some bad. But all useful to a degree.

I look forward to sharing my thoughts and opinions within these pages, my e-journal, if you will. I look forward to lively and thought-provoking conversation, as well. I enjoy conversations with people of different of opinions when we are able to rationally express ourselves and courteously listen to each other. Where I come from, that's what adults do. The kids are the ones doing the yelling and pouting around here.

I'm not going to promise daily postings but when inspiration hits, this'll be the first place I come to jot it all down.

Be safe.

Regards~Texas Law Man